The Beginning of the End

I’m sitting here on my lunch at the Real Job™, making notes about JJD6.  Just notes.  No actual writing yet, because if I start writing it, then I have to finish writing it at some point in the future.  And then it’s over.

I mean, I always knew it would be over someday.  Jesse’s story has been plotted out, beginning to end, since the first day.  I’ve known since May 20th, 2007 how this would go.  That’s a really long time, when you stop to look at it.  For nine years, I’ve had this guy living in my head.  I feel like I know him just as well as I know any real person in my life.  Maybe better.

How do I say goodbye to that? I have to, of course.  The story ends, like I always knew it would.  I wonder, three years from now, five years from now, will I think “I wonder what Jesse is up to now?” and be tempted to write about him again?  Right now, I have no plans to.  The only thing worse than a story ending is a story dragging out long past its natural life.  No zombie stories here, thank you very much!

Jesse’s been good to me.  Better than I have been to him, that’s for sure.  I have dreams that in some alternate universe, Jesse probably hates my guts for all that I’ve put him through.  But he’s soldiered on, coming out on top against long odds again and again.

All I have to do is start typing the words.  Some of them will be a surprise to me, because even though I know how it goes, I don’t know how it gets there.  Some of them have been floating around in the dark spaces of my brain for nine years.  Once I put them down on paper (on computer screen), they’re out.  There will be a hole in my cranium where they used to be.  There will be a hole where Jesse used to be.

So I make notes, for now.

Because I’m not ready to write it just yet.

Five Years In

On July 6, 2010, A Devil in the Details released.  Over the past few weeks, I've been contemplating what it means to be five years into my publishing adventure.

Of course, to say that I'm five years in is probably inaccurate.  Prior to the actual release of Devil, there was the whole getting the sale, and before that, there was getting the agent, and before that, there was the writing... And it seems like I've been writing SOMEthing forever. 

So where am I now?  I'm on my second agent, I have six books published (four traditional, two self).  I've written quite a few other books in the spaces in between.  Jotted down ideas for a LOT more than that.  I'm obviously not rich and drinking mai tais on a beach somewhere. (does anyone know what a mai tai actually is? I've never had one)  I've changed Real Jobs once, in the interim. My kiddo went from seven years old, to twelve. (a teenager soon, wtf?  Who allowed that?)  I went from seeing my ten-year anniversary with hubby, to my fifteen.

Not sure I'm where I wanted to be (see aforementioned beach and mai tais), but I also think that my wishes and expectations were based on a misconception of what this whole "being an author" thing is really like.  The journey I've been on so far is actually fairly typical, from what I've been given to understand in the time since.  Very, very few of us get the Big Sale and go on to Fame and Fortune and Movie Deals. I have to remind myself of that on the days when I've slipped down the hill into "why bother land".

In all honesty, I can't complain about where I am. My stories are in the hands of so many people that I don't even know.  People are living in my worlds, even if just for a little bit, and that's really all I could ever ask for.  I think about this a lot, especially as Jesse's story is slowly reaching its end.   Even though I know how the story ends (and a little bit about what happens after the big finale), I'll miss running around in Jesse's world.  I wonder if other people will do the same.  I wonder if they'll be willing to follow me into new worlds.  I have plans for the Arcane West world.  Caleb and Ernst are waiting patiently for me to get back to them.  I have plans for new worlds, amazing worlds.  I want to visit space, I want to adventure in dustbowl era Kansas.  I might revisit Elysia, sometime in the future, to check on Geoff and Lia. 

I'm looking forward to writing another post like this in another five years.  They say (y'know, "they") that the ten-year mark is when an author really starts to have a career.  Not sure I believe it, but the only way to find out is to keep moving forward.

So I guess maybe what happened in the last five years is not so important as what might be coming in the next five.  Stick around, you'll probably be as surprised as I will.

Gooey Sticky Syrup

I suppose by now that it’s pretty clear that I’m not gonna hit the March 24th release date for Second Olympus. Well, it was worth a shot.

The good news is, the cover art is still in progress, and that’s really the only thing I’m waiting on.  Once I get that, I can hit the button and get this ball rolling.  Still hoping to give it a “pre-order” period, even if just for a couple of week.  Still hoping to have this out in April, but no promises, and no set date.

Other than that, I’m just plodding along.  Got that feet stuck in thick syrup feeling, lately.  I’m making progress, but it’s slow and steady, rather than abrupt and thrilling/terrifying.  Truthfully, I’m not sure which is better.  Patience is not one of my favorite things, but neither is abject terror.

Folks are getting antsy about JJD5. Trust me, it’s coming. I pick at the outline now and then when I need a break from MMwD, and this morning, I actually wrote down the first few paragraphs of a chapter just so they’d quit taking up room in my head.  Goal is still to have this one out and available this year, though not sure just when.  Won’t be a summer release like the others, but I feel like that’s not so important in the big scheme of things.

Nothing else going on but life in general. As it happens to all of us.  (well, most of us, I guess. I don’t discriminate against the undead)

The Giant Gaping Hole in My Head

Yesterday was a momentous day for me.  First off, Peacemaker released, and if you haven’t downloaded it yet, why not?  You’re going to make Ernst cry.

Why do you want to make the jackalope cry??  What kind of monster are you?

Second, I finally finished JJD4.  It’s not really a first draft. It’s more what I call an ugly draft.  I’ll mess with it for a few more days, and then I’ll probably send it out to my Beta Slaves this weekend.  (If this means you, brace yourselves, it’s incoming).  While they’ve got it, I’ll probably be pricing some editing services, as well as cover artists, to try and find some folk that I can work with (and can afford).  I’m desperately wanting to do this one without running a Kickstarter, so financial stuff has to be considered.  What this ultimately means is that we’re still a few months out from you, my awesome readers, being able to see it, but it’s closer!  It’s so much closer.  I’m still shooting for this summer, at some point.  I’ll keep you posted.

However, finishing a book always puts me in a weird mood for a few days, and I thought I’d blog about it. (As one does about such things.)  I actually wanted to do this post when I finished writing The Musicbox Girl, but couldn’t wrap my head around everything that I wanted to say before the feeling just faded away and I kinda lost what I’d wanted to do.  So, you get it now, hopefully while all my thinks are still freshly thunk.

Completing a novel feels great.  Heck, for me, completing a grocery list feels pretty damn life affirming.  Anyone who has ever tried to write anything knows that there is a satisfaction to coming up with a coherent beginning, middle and end, no matter if you’re writing a novel, a short story, or a dirty limerick.  (Love me some dirty limericks)  You have done SOMEthing.

But the part that gets to me, every single time, is this profound sense of loss I feel.  Suddenly, all of the scenes and lines and people that I’ve been living with in my head for months are gone.  You have no idea how long some of the things you read have been percolating in my gray matter (multiple years, in some cases).  And once it’s on paper, once it’s brought to life, it’s just…gone.  I have a giant, novel-shaped hole in my brain. 

Part of me has to wonder if this is what it’ll feel like when kiddo grows up and moves out of the house.  You spend all this time, tending and nurturing something, and then suddenly it has a life of its own, and it doesn’t need you anymore.  Yeah, that’s the way it’s supposed to be, and you’re happy, but for at least a little bit, you’re also suddenly lonely.  There’s a genuine feeling of mourning.

Now, this giant gaping hole won’t last forever.  I think of it like a foot print in wet soil.  Slowly, the water seeps back in and fills up the emptiness.  Already, I can feel my plans and plots for my MBG revision seeping in there.  Soon, the hole in my brain will be taken up with that novel, and once I finish revising that, then another novel will seep its way in.  And another after that, and another, ad infinitum.  (Hopefully)

So the loneliness and loss don’t last very long, especially if I’ve got other projects loudly demanding attention.  But for just a few days, finishing a novel is a bittersweet victory.  So long, Jesse & Axel and the rest of you crazy kooks.  I’ll see you again in a few months.

The Measure of Success

First off, let me say how much I truly appreciate the messages of support I’ve received in the last few days.    I truly feel better now than I have in the months since I found out the news.    It’s good to know that there are people who care enough about Jesse to keep following him.

I also find it very interesting how many people have said “That’s okay, I don’t buy print books anyway!”  It ties directly into something I’ve been pondering for a while, and that’s the idea that (for a writer) the measure of success has changed in recent years.  I mean, real recent.  Like, over the last three.

We can all agree that hitting the NYT Bestseller list is a sign of success.  But for most authors, their successes are measured in much smaller increments.  Just getting an agent, for example, or that first book deal.  There’s validation in that, and confirmation that yes, you really don’t suck.

From the time I was a child, the idea of a successful author for me was someone whose books were in bookstores and libraries.  I saw them every time I went into a store, and I always mentally marked the place on the shelf where my name would go. (Had to move down a bit, once I got married and my name changed.)  Those were the people who were REAL authors.  They weren’t like Great Aunt Matilda who paid that company a ton of money to print her rambling diatribe against garden gnomes and their hedonistic ways.

Even as a child, I knew that real authors had publishers and editors, and losers self-published.  And those people who only had writing available on the internet?  Hobbyists at best.  They didn’t have physical books, they were just playing around.

But fast-forward thirty*coughcough* years, and here we are.

Ebooks are becoming more popular every single year.  I can measure the spread of them just by looking at my sales figures.  And self-published books are hitting the NYT Bestseller list.  It’s no longer absolutely necessary (provided that you have the time, skill, and funds) for all literary works to go through major publishers.

What does it all MEAN???

Well, there are smarter people than I who have been batting this one around for years.  What does the advent of ebooks mean for big publishers?  What does the rise in quality self-published works mean for the industry in general?  I think every possible outcome has been kicked around and talked to death, and the fact is, no one knows the answer yet.  We’re all kinda stuck in this big whirlwind of change, and it remains to be seen what part of Oz it’s going to spit us out in. 

I do think, however, that authors will need to reevaluate what they consider “successful.”  Does having a physical book on the shelf mean as much, when many bookstores no longer care a large assortment of stock?  Will print run sizes be important, when ebooks are taking up the bulk of your sales? 

I know that it’s been hard for me to wrap my mind around it.  I’m old-school, apparently.  The thought of “ebook first, print maybe” seemed like a step backwards at first, and I had to sit myself down and point out some facts to myself.

Self, I says to myself, you’re looking at this the wrong way.  The entire industry is now rushing to catch up to a demand that technology created, and you may actually be in on the first wave of something new and totally awesome!

Do I think big publishers will ever go by the wayside altogether?  Of course not.  Personally, I LIKE having a publisher. I like having an amazing editor, and someone to take care of the cover design, and all that tricksy formatting and such.  Every moment they do that is a moment I can be doing something else, like writing, or talking about writing, or thinking about writing.  Or playing video games.  I admit it, I do that sometimes too.  I know diddly about cover art design (it’s more than just taking a pretty picture, folks) or ebook formatting, or…well, I know diddly about a lot of stuff.  That’s why you guys might very well be getting a crayon stick-figure for a cover on the next JJD book.  (I wouldn’t really do that. I think.)

But I think that physical books on shelves and monster print runs will no longer be the measure of how successful an author is.  Instead, we might get to measure it by how many readers truly loved the books, and I think it should probably have been that way all along. 

In which case, I’m pretty damn successful, because there are a TON of you who love Jesse.

Deep Thoughts Being Thunk

Despite my promise to post more often, I fail miserably once again. A lot of it has to do with real life stuff that everyone goes through... Money, job, kid won't clean her room, I won't clean my room... Y'know, normal stuff.

It's no secret to anyone who follows me on Twitter that I have a Real Job(tm) and that my fondest dream is to not have a Real Job(tm). Financially, it's just not viable at the moment, but I find myself thinking about it more and more in recent months. I originally thought that if I had a different Real Job(tm) I wouldn't be as unhappy, but you know what? All I want to do is write. And one Real Job(tm) is much like another, when it's not what I WANT to be doing. So I ponder.

I sit and think, what exactly would we have to have for me to just walk away from a set pay check every two weeks, from paid vacations, from insurance/dental/eye care? All of that we get through my Real Job(tm). What is the magic dollar figure that would result in my freedom?

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that quitting work to write full time will probably be much like having a child. If you wait for the perfect moment to arrive, you'll never do it.

Am I going to be quitting my Real Job(tm) any time soon? No. But I've made the decision in recent weeks to slowly but surely start herding events in that direction. A lot of it will depend on some personal stuff going on (which I won't hold my breath for) and a lot of it will depend on what book deals I have in the near future (which I WILL hold my breath for. Till I turn blue and pass out. Really. It's embarrassing.)

Somehow, I feel that 2012 will be a turning point for me and my family. I'm just not quite sure how and why yet. I guess we'll see.

Gone Between

I woke up this morning to the news that Anne McCaffrey, one of sci-fi/fantasy’s great legends, had passed away. And while I always find it sad when we lose one of our greats, as the day has gone on, this one has settled heavily on me.

I don’t remember how old I was when I first read one of her books. I’m pretty sure it was Dragonsdawn, the prequel to the Pern series. I know that after that, I devoured anything I could get my hands on. I fell in love with Pern and all its inhabitants, from the beautiful gold dragons all the way down to the lowliest watch-wher. Oh, how I wanted my very own fire-lizard. A bronze one. He’d have been awesome.

It wasn’t just her dragons, though. The Rowan and her descendents found a special place in my heart as well. I think those books were the first time I actually remember feeling fear and joy and anguish right alongside the characters. I bled with them, because of the power of the words on the page.

And I think that’s what I learned from Anne McCaffrey. I learned about the kind of stories I wanted to tell, and the kind of writer I wanted to be. Some of the first lengthy things I ever wrote were essentially fanfic, either in the Pern world or in the Rowan’s world. Always for my own entertainment, of course. I don’t think I ever showed anyone those stories. They were just because I didn’t want those worlds to end when I was done reading, I wanted to live in them a little while longer.

I’m pretty sure she knew the kind of mark she left on the world. Her fans are legion, and very vocal. They have conventions, and role-playing games, and forums and all kinds of things. She didn’t, of course, know what influence she had on little old me, or on a lot of other writers I know who are all thinking over what her death means right now. Maybe we don’t even know for sure how her writing shaped who and what we are today. All we know is that it did.

A great lady has gone Between. She will be missed, and never forgotten.

And the Beat Goes On

Last night, I turned in my revisions for A WOLF AT THE DOOR, and a lot of people have asked me “Okay, what happens now?” So, this is my attempt at explanation, which is sadly way less informative than I (or anyone else) would like it to be.

First and foremost, WOLF has to be officially accepted. This is an actual contractual term that basically means when your publisher says “Okay, yes, I like what you’ve done here, we’re definitely going to publish it.” The alternative to this would be them coming back and saying “Hey, could you do a few more revisions first.” I don’t expect that to happen. My editor, the amazing Anne Sowards, always knows just the right notes to give so that I get it right the first time.

As for time frame on official acceptance? I have no idea. Depends on how soon someone has time to read through it AGAIN (and trust me, so many people read through a book multiple times in its process, you have no idea), make sure it’s all they had hoped it would be. Whether or not someone has time depends on how many manuscripts are lined up in front of mine, in various stages of their own production. I expect/hope to hear something before the end of the year, at the very least.

In the meantime, other parts of production will continue. For the past two books, I’ve always had cover art somewhere in mid-ish November, so I’m hoping that pattern will continue. There’s always something fun about being able to go to my family’s place for Thanksgiving and saying “Hey, wanna see what I got?” Also, since my birthday is at the end of the month, it always seems like an early birthday present.

So once Wolf is officially accepted, it will go on into copy edits, and then through page proofs, and then drift magically toward the August 7th release date.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, people are still wanting to know “Will there be more JJD books?” And the answer to that is, I don’t know yet. We haven’t had That Talk yet. Do I want to hazard a guess as to what That Talk will entail? Oh hell no. The publishing world has changed drastically over the last few years, not the least of which was the closing of all the Borders stores. While it remains to be seen how that development is truly going to play out, I know how it’s affected me and my sales personally, and it isn’t a happy situation. I’m in the same boat a lot of authors are, for the same reasons, none of which have anything to do with our skills as authors.

Is it on my mind? Oh yeah. All the time. Part of it is just that I don’t want to fail at this. Being an author was/is/always will be my dream, and I don’t want it over before it really gets started. Part of it is that it would break my heart to leave Jesse’s story unfinished. And more than that, even, I don’t want it to remain unfinished for everyone who has followed along with me so far. People invested time and money in me, an author they knew very little about, and for that at least, they deserve to know what happens next.

Folks have asked me “What can I do to help?” And to them, I say this. Just go buy books, either physically, or on your e-readers. Not just my books, ANY books! ALL books! If you love an author, let it show! If you can’t afford books (and face it, we've all been there, especially lately), go check them out from libraries. Libraries buy books too! Request books you’re looking forward to from your favorite bookstore or library. Requests turn into orders, orders into numbers, and hopefully numbers turn into more books from all of the authors that you love.

Remember, only YOU can prevent forest-...er...wait, wrong message.

You guys know what to do. Go forth and conquer.

My Mission

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Yes, that’s the burning smell you detect.

Take a gander over to the left, and check out my little mission statement. I wrote that three years ago. Three! Can you believe it?? I wrote it before I ever dreamed up the idea that would become A DEVIL IN THE DETAILS.

And as I sit here and look at it right now, I have to wonder if maybe it’s a bit outdated. Maybe I need a new mission?

My original mission was to “survive the writing, the querying, and hopefully the publishing.” So let’s break it down.

Surviving the writing: When I wrote that mission statement, I was writing what can only be called an epic pirate princess fantasy. (Don’t judge me.) Shortly after I started this blog, hubby and I came up with this brilliant UF idea, and gradually it took over my life, and the epic pirate princess fantasy got trunked. 78,000 words. Someday, I might go back to it, but as it stands now, it needs a major overhaul.

So then I wrote this great UF thing we’d dreamed up. And I had high hopes for it! (and well, we all know how that story turned out.) In the time since writing Devil, I’ve finished four other books (counting Devil’s sequel) and I’m currently doing the research portion of a new project, just something for fun, maybe for NaNoWriMo this year.

So while yes, I have survived the writing, it seems that the writing is ongoing process, and therefore the survival should be an ongoing goal. So maybe that part of the mission statement should stay.

Surviving the querying: I queried Devil for six months. An eyeblink in publishing time, really. I know people who queried for years with multiple manuscripts before they found an agent. I sent out twenty-eight queries, again a teeny tiny drop in a huge potential bucket, and got favorable responses from a third of those. I signed with The Agent.

Now, I don’t envision having to go through the actual query-for-agent process again for quite some time. I LIKE The Agent. He’s awesome, and he deals well with my neuroses. And as far as I know, he’s gonna be an agent for a long time, so we’re settled for a while.

However, querying for an agent isn’t the only “query” in this big wide world. When I have a new project ready, I run it past The Agent. When I think there’s someone who might give me a blurb for one of my covers, I can ask. I send emails to book bloggers to see if they have time to review me, or if I can do a guest post or interview for them. All of these are essentially queries, in the sense that I’m putting myself out there. I’m waiting to see if I’ll be shot down.

So maybe that part of the mission statement should stay, too. Hmm.

Surviving the publishing: Holy crap, I did it. I have a book in print. I used to sit, in quiet times, and imagine what it would feel like to hold one of my books in my hands, and now I know what that’s like. As of July 6th, 2010, I am a published author.

But you know what? There’s a TON of stuff that has to happen even after the book hits shelves. How are my sales doing? How are my reviews? More blog appearances, con appearances if I can afford it, promo materials, give aways.

Publishing isn’t a one time occurrence. It’s not like Christmas, it doesn’t have one day and then gone. It’s a continual process, even not counting the sequels that are coming up behind the first one, which would kick me clear back to the first part of the statement, the writing.

So I guess I’m still surviving the publishing, too. Double hmm.

I have to say that the last three years of my life have been the scariest, the strangest, the saddest, and the super…est. (Hey, I was going for some kind of pattern there, and it kinda let me down. So sue me.) I achieved my dearest dream. I lost my mother. I survived cancer. I celebrated ten years with the greatest man in the world, and I watched this tiny creature I gave birth to grow into an amazing little person with her own thoughts and opinions and dreams.

And as I look forward to the next three years, at least two of which will be devoted to writing/editing/publishing the next two books in the Jesse James Dawson series, I have to wonder what wonderful and terrifying things wait for me there.

So I guess my mission statement stays, and ultimately I can just hope that I survive.